He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
