I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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