Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
