sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
