he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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