I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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