he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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