Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
