Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
