were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
