I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
