did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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