This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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