i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
