Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
