I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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