Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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