she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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