So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
