If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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