the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
