you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
