Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
