Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
