her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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