I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i think i just lost a toe
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
