Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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