Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
