I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
