I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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