my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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