someone threw a dead crab at me
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
