Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
