Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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