If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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