He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
