Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
