I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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