he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
