OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
