you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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