You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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