i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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