did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
