woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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