But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
