i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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