i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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