it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I came so hard my ears popped.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
