She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
