Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
