The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
